Relief

After feeling like I was going to die last week, I called my doctor back and spoke directly to my doctors nurse. She is my new best buddy. She gave me 2 medicines, 1 that will completely knock me out for really bad days and one for daily use. This is a miracle drug! Its amazing the difference it makes. Of course, its crazy expensive, but would you expect anything different? Now I'm feeling significantly better and can start to focus on feeling some excitement.

More than a few days

Remember last post, when I said I just needed a few days to wrap my head around being pregnant? Well, its been 8, and I'm still not there. The morning sickness is getting worse each day. I think today was worse than when I was pregnant with Ben, and it was rough with him. Maybe its the same, but having 3 kids now makes it seem worse??? It lasted most of the day yesterday. It left for a few hours in the afternoon, but came back in time for dinner. I started today with a bang. Its starting to let up, but I'm afraid it will come back in a few hours. This is not the weight loss plan I had in mind! I called the doctors office, but they wont give me anything until I see the doctor, which isn't for a week and a half. I don't even know if they'll give me anything. When I was pregnant with Ben they would only prescribe for severe vomiting. Its hard to try to get excited about such a big surprise when all you want to do is throw up!

You've got to be kidding

I woke up Sunday morning and realized I was 5days "late". I mentioned it to Jon, but he wasn't worried so I put it out of my head. Monday morning, right before Jon left for work, he mentioned he was concerned. Of course, that made me concerned. So when Corrie came to hang out with us, I headed to the store. I was really trying to convince myself I was just tired, stressed and fighting off the kids colds. I got a generic brand pregnancy test and it was positive...sort of. One line was barely visible so I told myself it was the brand. It was a defective test. I tried to convince Corrie of this too, but I don't know if she bought it. We went out and got a brand name double pack. I took a second test and got the same result...one line very visible, the other barely there. I kept Jon posted. I think he was a bit freaked out, but he put on a good face for me because I was very freaked out. I took another test this morning with the same result. I knew it was positive, but I kept trying to find ways around it so I headed to the doctors office for a blood test. I needed a definite yes or no so I couldn't argue the result. By the end of the day I got the call, "you are definitely very pregnant!" I am 5 weeks along and due 11-5-11 (my father-in-laws birthday). The more Jon says it, the more excited he gets. I just keep thinking 2 kids 11months apart.

This was NOT the plan. We were pretty sure we would have four kids, but I was done. We were going to adopt another baby-----a long time from now. My pregnancy with Sam was rough. That was a huge reason why we decided to adopt in the first place. Now I'm going through it again and I'm 2+ years older. Another pregnancy, another surgery, another recovery with 3 kids, a husband, 2 animals and a house to keep clean. Freaked out doesn't begin to cover it! I have amazing friends who have tried to reassure me for two days that God has a plan for us, he wont give us more than we can handle, he is faithful etc. I know that in my heart, but my head needs some time to catch up. 2 kids 11months apart. How am I going to get out of the house next winter?

On the other hand, lets just say the fact that I'm pregnant is a miracle. This baby is going to be something special to be here with all the odds Jon and I stacked against a pregnancy! This baby is truly a gift from God so I'm sure I'll come around. I just need a few more days to get there.

One more hurdle

In Ohio, a birth mother has 72hours from the time the baby is born until the time she can sign surrender papers. Once the papers have been signed, its pretty much over for her.
We would hope that she has notified the birth father of the situation, but that isn't always the case. In order to be fair to the dads, Ohio has a paternal father registry. Dads have 30days from the time a baby is born to put their names on a registry. It basically says that he wants a say in what is going to happen to his baby.
When we were in the hospital with Ellie, the birth father did not sign the papers because he is not completely sure he is the father. He has been on board with the adoption since the beginning but, because he didn't sign, he had the right to file with the registry. If he filed, a DNA test would have been ordered. If he was the father, he could stop the adoption.
Right now, we're in limbo. Since Franklin county (and the rest of Ohio) is so back logged, if he did file with the registry, it could take 4 months to be notified that he filed. However, we would think (hope, assume, pray) that if he filed, he would have at least let the agency know. As of Friday at 5pm, his 30day mark (since the 29th was a Saturday), he had not notified the agency of anything. We don't actually think he filed or has any intention of interrupting the adoption, but its just one step closer to knowing Ellie is actually ours---now we just have to wait to make sure its clear!

A fine line

Recently Jen over at An Adoption Story reposted someone elses post about things not to say to an adoptive family, like asking are they all your "real" children or telling us how we are such a blessing to Ellie. It made me think about some of our experiences so far.
We've only had Ellie for 3 weeks, but I've already had people tell me (while Jon was with me) how great I look for having a newborn. Seriously??? Are we looking at the same kid? Ellie is beautiful, and she looks nothing like Jon or I. Do people not pay attention, are they idiots, do they really think two of the whitest people around would produce a dark skinned baby with the darkest hair possible? Jon has reminded me that when Corrie was born, she had really dark hair and it lightened up dramatically, but we're forgetting that her mom also has really dark hair. You aren't supposed to differentiate between your biological and adopted kids because you don't want your adoptive kids to think they are any less "real" than your biological kids. Obviously, Ellie doesn't understand now, but what if she did, or when she does? I have told a couple strangers that she is adopted. Am I starting a bad habit? It might not be any of their business, but is it really such a secret especially when she looks nothing like us? Obviously, how I respond to people years from now will depend on Ellies comfort level, but right now am I not treating her like an equal kid when I tell people shes adopted?
I've also had some looks from people who see Ellie, the kind of looks that make people wonder what the mail man looks like. On one hand, who cares what people think? On the other hand, why is that the first assumption? Why do I have to come off looking like a bad guy because my daughter looks different? Am I less of a parent because at this point I would rather people know shes adopted than think she isn't Jons?
Its such a balancing act. How do you boast about your daughters differences with out making her feel different? I'm sure as time goes on and we encounter more odd comments/looks, we'll figure out how to handle things. I guess for this moment I should just smile and nod when people tell me how great I look!