A small exercise

I'm going to write out an exercise we did as part of our training class 2 weeks ago. I'd like you to do it. It will take about 5 minutes. If you don't have 5 minutes, stop reading. Come back when you have the time. Don't read ahead, just stop and come back later.

If you do have 5 minutes, get a pen and some paper. Yes, you need them. This isn't something you can think about and remember as you go along.

Ready? Number your paper from 1 to 10.

#1. Who is the most significant person in your life?

#2. List your most significant role in life (Christian, mom, wife, employee etc)

#3. List your support system (Best friend, spouse, parent, church etc)

#4. What is your racial or ethnic heritage?

#5. Write down the word "information". This will symbolize all the information you utilize every day in order to exist (I know how to change a diaper, I can drive to work, I can feed myself type of stuff)

#6. Where is your favorite place to be?

#7. Write the words "cultural information". This will symbolize all that you know about behavior, norms, traditions etc in your day to day life

#8. Write the word "resources". This will symbolize your work or any monetary means you have to support yourself.

#9. Write down the word "values". This is what you believe to be true.

#10. Write down any object or activity that gives you great joy or satisfaction.

Ok, here is where the "fun" starts. Look at your list and cross off 4 things you could live with out. Yes, you have to cross off four things. Anything you cross off will no longer exist in your world.

How did you do?

Ok, now cross off two more things. Yes, two more things that will no longer exist for you.

Its ok, I have a wonderful plan for you. This is going to be great, but you have to cross off just one more thing. Trust me.

So whats left? Did that suck? Hopefully, this little exercise will never be a reality for us, but this IS reality for our little girl. We were left with three things on our list. Our little girl might only be left with one or two things. I cried when we did this in class. I kept thinking about everything she would gain by being in America, in a loving home, having a big family. I never thought about how much she will leave behind.

This is part of why bonding with us will be so important. It can be a very slow and difficult process, or not. Obviously we wont know until she's here. However, right now we have to plan for the worst case scenario and pray that it wont be that bad. Because of this, we will be imposing some restrictions on EVERYONE. I thought it would be best to let everyone know what our plan is now so we wont have any surprises or hurt feelings when she gets here. Of course, this is all subject to change, but for now, this is our worst case plan.

When she comes home, we will most likely not have ANYONE over for a while. It could be a day or it could be a week. We don't know yet. Once you meet her, your visit will probably be very brief and you will most likely NOT be holding her. The more comfortable she gets being here and being with us, the longer the visits will be and the more you will be able to hold her.

All of her clothing (for a little while) will be very basic. Cotton shirts and pants. No frills, dresses, zippers, crazy designs, buttons, ruffles etc etc etc. She will not be used to any of this and will need time to adjust to "American clothes".

If you would like to get her any toys, they need to be very basic, old school type of toys. Dolls, wooden blocks etc. Anything that talks, makes music, flashes lights etc anything that doesn't require any brain activity will be held until she is FULLY adjusted.

If you are thinking about toys or activities, keep in mind that there will be a regression. They are now saying we will bring home an 8-13month old girl. In reality it will be more like bringing home a 6-9month old girl.

It is very possible that she will reject one gender. Since the caregivers are primarily female, its possible she will not want anything to do with any men, including Jon. Or she could be so fascinated by males that she rejects all women, including me. If she is terrified of you, don't be offended. Its normal.

What ever room she ends up in, it will be made girly for her, but it will be a slow process. She will be coming home to an almost completely bare room. Many of you bought decorations for the boys rooms. While we always appreciate any gifts given to our kids, don't be offended if you don't see it until weeks or months after shes home.

I think that covers the basics. Not what you expected???? Us either, but after our training we've learned how important it will be for our girl to know she can trust us, we'll take care of her and wont leave her. So, if you had visions of meeting us at the airport, a welcome home event, gram camp, babysitting and so on....you have a year to revise your visions or at least put them on hold until she is ready for them.