Training, part 1

Jon and I had our first training class at Bellefaire today. It was a cultural class. It basically reminded us that our culture is defined by hundreds of different qualities that we possess and it can vary greatly between neighbors, close friends and even family members. We talked about how our culture will effect our future daughter and vise versa. The class was actually pretty interesting and it was great to meet a room full of people going through the same process, some for the second and third time.

We ended the class with a video called Eye of the Storm. It is an experiment a third grade teacher did with her students just after Martin Luther King Jr was killed. In a nutshell, one day kids with blue eyes were told they were superior to kids with brown eyes. Blue eyed kids got seconds at lunch, longer play time at recess etc. The next day she told them she lied and brown eyed kids were actually superior. That day, brown eyed kids got all the perks. It was amazing to see the results. Obviously the video is old, but I highly recommend checking it out. While it was clearly about racism and not culture, it was easy to see how the two can overlap and it gave us a lot to think about. Our little girl is going to face a lot of uphill battles simply because we will be her parents. This class was the first step in equipping us to help her win those battles.

Next weeks class is going to touch on culture and a ton of other related topics. We will be spending 23 hours in class next Friday-Sunday, but I'm actually looking forward to it.

Baby steps

We have officially been assigned a social worker through Bellefaire. She called me to introduce herself and schedule our information meeting. We wont be able to meet until next Friday, but I'm excited to have something on the books.

We have our first training class this Saturday. Its only 3 hours so it should be an easy day.

I'm still waiting on the e mail from Holt. Still praying for patience.

Waiting, waiting, waiting

I know its been a while, but seriously, nothing is happening. The last time I posted anything, we were waiting for a packet from Holt. I was hoping to have it the next day, but with the weekend and the holiday, it came 5 days later. The packet didn't really end up being a packet. It was a mini booklet about Holts adoption process/policies. It took 8 or 10 finely typed pages to say (in many different ways) adoption is an uncertain process and we can't hold them liable if Ethiopia changes their policies at any point in the process and we end up being delayed, disappointed etc. We had to notarize that and send it back. Once they get that, they will e mail the next steps to us. We mailed that in several days ago so I'm hoping to get the e mail Monday or Tuesday.

I finally talked to Karen at Bellefaire. She is the head person that was on vacation. She confirmed our training classes, answered some questions, took some money and then told us a one on one information meeting will have to be scheduled since we missed the last one. Guess what--she doesn't schedule them and the person that does is on vacation! Seriously?!?!? I'm hoping to hear from her tomorrow. They prefer to have the information classes done before training and our first training class is Saturday. Hopefully tomorrow will be a productive day for us. I'm still praying for patience, guidance, clarity etc etc etc...

Approved

It seems like we're doing a lot, but not really getting anywhere. We gathered a ton of information for our previous agency. We submitted an application to Holt and to Bellefaire. They all seemed to ask for different information so we've done a lot of digging to get the correct answers, but all we've done is apply.

I just talked to Holt. They have approved our application and have a packet out to us. Hopefully we'll get it tomorrow and start the next round of information gathering. Once they receive that, they will forward our information to the Ethiopia people and we'll go from there. I have a ton of questions for Bellefaire, but the person I need to talk to is out this week. We sent them our application today and now we wait until Monday to get some answers. Patience has never been an area of strength for me. Pray that God helps me out a little bit.

How about some more good news?

I let Andrea (the woman we've been working with at the adoption agency) know that we were switching agencies (see yesterdays post if you haven't already). I let her know about the website and the some of the comments we found and let her know that we just didn't feel comfortable continuing with them. She talked to the director of the agency who apparently talked to the agency attorney and they all e mailed me advising me they would be happy to refund our application fee (that was previously non refundable). While it is just a small step in the right direction, at least we are going in the right direction.

On to the new agency. We have switched to Holt International. They were one of the first agencies we looked at. They have a fabulous reputation and are well established. The only reason we didn't originally go with them is because they aren't local and I thought it would be easier to use someone in the same state. Through them, and our friends, we have found Bellefaire JCB. They are the local agency who will be doing our home study. They don't even know who we are yet (our paperwork hasn't even finished going through Holt yet), but have allowed us to sign up for 2 mandatory adoption/training classes in the next couple weeks so we can be in the same class as our friends. The classes sound like they will be a huge help in many areas, but one in particular is explaining to your kids why their new sister looks nothing like them and how to adjust to that. I'm looking forward to it, although in just over 2 days we have to sit through 23 hours of training. That will be a challenge!

How about some good news?

So we got some difficult news recently. It came in the form of an e mail from a friend. She found a website that told a bunch of stories about peoples adoption experiences with the agency we picked. Unfortunately, they were horror stories. They made me absolutely sick! After reading those stories, I couldn't believe we were working with a Christian agency.

We have left that agency and submitted an application to an agency out of state. They are also a Christian agency, have a wonderful reputation and are the agency our friends are using. So far our friends haven't had any complaints and they are already helping us navigate the system.

I'm hoping the new agency is just what we need to kick start the process and get some good news rolling in!

First crisis averted

We received our first two information packets. The first is 24 pages of fact gathering. The second is 85 pages of reading---yes 85! The first packet looked a bit intimidating, but actually wasn't too bad. The only bad part was answering the same question at least 5 times. Of course it wasn't a yes/no question or a check this box type of thing. It was one of those where you have to attach a separate sheet of paper and explain in detail type thing. Copy and paste are my best friends! I hate to admit that I haven't started reading the second packet yet. Its all about laws and policies and fee schedules--very exciting reading.

So our first crisis (sorry honey, but I have to be thorough). About a week ago, I said to Jon, "We need a copy of our birth certificates. Do you have yours?" Jon assured me that he did. So last night when we were gathering all the final papers that needed to be included in our packet, Jon went to get his birth certificate. Guess what, it wasn't there. It wasn't anywhere here or with his parents. Guess who wasn't born in Ohio? We can't just go downtown and get a copy. We have to order it online and wait 7-10days to receive it. Did I mention that the packet has to be returned to the adoption agency with in 10days of our application?

Jon is a very lucky man! Andrea, our agency contact, is extremely understanding and will start processing the paperwork with out his birth certificate. We got everything else together and mailed it out this afternoon. Once they process the information in this packet, guess what.....we get another packet. I see a trend starting!

I love you baby!

Step one, done

Well, its official. We have started the adoption process. After a long day of thinking and rethinking the situation, praying, bothering Jon at work more than normal, chatting with our friends who are also adopting and a couple more calls to the adoption agency, Jon and I have decided to adopt from Ethiopia. We submitted our application last night and paid the first of many fees. I didn't know I could be this excited and freaked out at the same time. Our information is being put in the system as we speak and we should be getting our first packet (aka a major to do list) soon.

Prasti linked me to a blog yesterday. Its about a families adoption journey. They also went through Ethiopia. Its clear that she has a strong faith. She mentioned God and his plan for their family over and over again. Its so inspiring to read. The whole time I was reading it, I kept thinking to myself that I can't wait to be that strong and that secure in my faith. I can't wait until some of the things she said just rolls off my tongue as easily as she made it seem. I hope this journey will help me get to that point. I know we (I) have a lot of work to do in that area.

Please send some prayers our way. We'll let you know when we get the information packet.

Information overload

I talked to the adoption agency this morning. So far, they are just as good as they look on paper. The woman I talked to was so nice, patient with all of my questions and extremely knowledgeable. However, after 45minutes of information gathering, I'm feeling a bit intimidated. It almost amazes me that people do this all the time. She gave me a brief overview of the process and while she assured me they will be there every step of the way to help, I still feel overwhelmed and a bit lost.

I'm trying not to get too far ahead of myself and focus on step one, picking the country. So here is the breakdown on Ethiopia and China.

Ethiopia: They are by far less complex than China. It sounds like they are becoming a very popular program so the actual time to complete the process (application to picking up the baby) could take 12-14months. Anything could happen so it could go faster, fortunately it shouldn't take any longer than 14months. You need to travel to Ethiopia to pick up your child. Total stay is typically 4-7 days. The average age of your baby at the time you bring her home is 12-21months.

China: They are a Hague country so the process for China is a bit more complex. A Hague country means they are part of the Hague Adoption Convention that puts policies into place for the protection of a child. I forgot to ask them about the specifics of Hague, but from what I've found it looks like all countries follow the policies. I'm not sure what the benefits to us are (if any) , but so far the big con is a longer wait. Several steps have to be completed before immigration will consider your request to adopt internationally. If we go through Ethiopia, immigration will start to consider our application almost immediately. Once we finish paperwork and complete the home study process, they will review those papers and in turn will have a faster approval (hopefully).

They confirmed that in China, the wait for a healthy baby girl is 42-44months. That takes us to special needs girls. The needs vary to minor and possible miss-diagnosed issues to very severe. Once you are approved by immigration, you are logged as eligible by the agency. This gives you access to the special needs list. Every 6 weeks China gives a list to every agency they work with of all the children available and lists their issues. You search the list and if you find a child that you think will work with your family, you select her. You will then be given medical records to have reviewed by a doctor (if you are smart, you will have them reviewed). Assuming you are still comfortable with taking the child, you select her again and move along with the process. Here is where it gets tricky---you have to keep in mind that every agency in every country gets the same list. If 10 people fall in love with the same girl, it turns into a first come first serve issue. You could easily lose out on that baby and then have to wait 6more weeks for a new list. Then you have to hope that in 6weeks the list isn't filled with children whose needs are greater than you can handle. For China, you can also have a baby in 12-14months from start to finish, but you could also be waiting a lot longer than that. The potential for heartbreak also skyrockets with China. The truly sad part is when I asked her why it took so long to go through China she told me that even though it is clear to everyone on the planet that China can't handle the amount of children they have in that country, they are very proud and don't want to admit that. They purposely extend the waiting periods for children so they wont be adopted. The only people that suffer are the kids. The stay in china is about 2 weeks and the children are around 12-18months when you get them home.

She did mention a third option: Russia. Russia is one of the fastest programs. Start to finish is 8-10months. The children are 12months + when you bring them home. The downfall to Russia is you have to make 2 or 3 trips. Both parents have to go for a week to go to court. About 6-8weeks later, both parents have to go back for another week to finalize the adoption. Then both parents can go home and (one or both) can come back in 10 days to pick up the child or one or both parents can stay the 10days in Russia and then bring home the child. Because of all the travel you are looking at close to $50,000 for a Russian adoption. WOW!

The thought of having our baby girl with us for Christmas this year was a really exciting thought. Unless we go through Russia, it looks like we'll just miss Christmas. When Jon gets home tonight we're going to have a lot to talk about.

We'll let you know.