Part 2

We hid in the parents room a bit on Wednesday. I couldn't go through another day like the previous and I thought maybe having some alone time with her fiancé would help her relax.

At lunch time, they came up with a plan. They turned off her epidural and when it wore off, she would walk around a bit. Hopefully that would move the baby down a bit more and get labor going. If it didn't, they were going to talk c section. By 2:30 she was up and moving, she went for a half hour. She was feeling pressure and I was feeling optimistic. They put her back in bed, restarted everything that was stopped and checked her. Then I heard those words....no change. We have become experts at waiting so we waited for the doctor to finish office hours and come back to see her.

He came in just before 5pm and asked her to do the c section because their was still no change. She finally consented and I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I got to go in with the birth father. We waited in the hall while they were prepping her. 15minutes felt like hours. Now I know how Jon felt when the boys were born. They started us up by her head. The mom was terrified, so much so, she had to be sedated. I watched him make the incision and then they moved me down by her feet. I actually got to watch her being pulled out of her moms stomach. It was amazing. She looked so tiny compared to the boys. Once she was free, we walked to the warmer and I got to cut the cord. It was tougher than I expected. (I have pictures, but they are not for the squeamish so ask if you want to see them). The father and I held her then went to the nursery. I'll never forget the look on Jons face when he saw her. It was instant love.

We got to listen to her heart and stay with her for the foot printing and bath. She has the best pouting face. She is going to have Jon wrapped around her finger in no time!

The birth parents asked to see her once the mom was out of recovery. I knew they were going to, but it was still a knife in the heart. It was a 45minute visit, but it felt like days. It was a relief when she came back, but it was short lived. The birth father asked if all 3 of us would go hang out with them for a while. It was awkward to see her hold my (our) baby, but their is nothing I can do at this point. The mom is in a lot of pain and on a lot of drugs. She asked to see her again to say good night. Every time we get a knock on the door, I worry that its her. I know she has a right to see the baby, but I worry that she will let emotions cloud the plan. We all know (especially her) that keeping this baby is not in her best interest or the interest of her kids and sobriety.

She stayed with us through the night. She isn't eating well, but they say thats normal right now. She slept great. We got a knock on the door at 4:45am. The mom is in terrible amounts of pain and wants to see the baby so she can focus on something else. I hate to say fortunately, but fortunately for us, she was back 15min later. The father was sleeping and the mom was in too much pain and on too much medication.

Thursday:

Its now Thursday, late morning. The mom is still in a lot of pain and refused to see the baby this morning because of the pain. The pediatrician said she looks good and was going to take the baby in to see her when he gave her the report, but she was in no condition for that. I hate to say it makes me feel good because that sounds so mean, but the less time she spends with her, the better the chance things will go as planned.

So that leaves Jon and I. We finally got a shower. Its an awful shower, but we're clean. Its amazing the difference that makes. We are alone with her in a little room. We've been here for over 48hrs and have 2-3more days of worry and missing our boys ahead of us. We love this baby, but are trying not to fall completely in love because we are afraid of losing her. Our social worker described the 72 hour wait as babysitting. Thats kind of accurate. Shes ours, but not really. We could lose her at any second until the papers are signed. We care for her, but we don't really know her. We weren't there to learn her sleep patterns, we didn't hear the heartbeat at every doctors visit, we didn't feel her move and react to our voices and activities. Shes a stranger we were given to love. We will love her completely if given the chance, but we just got a knock. She wants to see the baby...without us.

To be continued....